so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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