i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Less talking, more tequila
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
