i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
