i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
