my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
