Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
