There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
