So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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