I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
