You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
