its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
