Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
