I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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