Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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