Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
