I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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