I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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