you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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