i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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