I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
