We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
