Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
