But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
