I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
