you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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