So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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