he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
