dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
