i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
