just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
