put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm too high and old for this...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
