i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
