so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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