We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
