You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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