I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
