Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
