oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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