I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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