I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
