Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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