and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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