Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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