I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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