I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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