K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
