I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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