May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
