I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
