I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize
